Monday, November 28, 2005

How to have a bad day

1. Get your dog to piss on your bed really close to your pillow

2. Realise that you've been kidding yourself that the girl you've been friends with for 8 years might want something more than friendship

3. Take car to garage then realise you're going to be getting the bus home

4. Sit in sub-zero temperatures all day with blanket wrapped round legs, hat and fingerless gloves on, looking like Steptoe, trying to be creative

5. Call electrician to fit heater then realise that if he installs it it's going to blow the whole studio's electricity supply

6. Get large tax bill

7. Get bus home

8. Open wallet, take out driving license, look at date of birth

No, I probably won't meet my Match

How to get a bad opinion of yourself: join When the good looking blonde from London doesn't even return your wink and the red-haired Milky Bar Kid lookalike finds you attractive. Must erase 'desperate' from my forehead. * Walks into distance to the tune of "It'll be lonely this Christmas" *

How is it possible that so many girls can enjoy "going out with friends or staying at home with a DVD and a bottle of wine"? And why is long hair such a turn off? (Not that I have any - the genes won't allow it).

Now on to the next problem: how to tell someone you've been vague friends with for 8 years that you actually really like them and never really wanted to be just good friends with, without them telling you to piss off and die.